zondag 19 december 2010

Guess what

So guess what I did? 
I took my lovely self to the gym (say what??).
Last week I finally went, while having a subscription since september 2010. 
Well, let's say it's never too late. 

I'm going to be honest with you guys (that's all I can do) after my first visit I left feeling quit overwhelmed. I've done a fit test and my test result turn out to be: 'way below average'. Uhm, this was very confrontational. 
It got worse when the sport guy started asking me: "Mam, how is your food intake?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Sport guy: "Do you need advice on what to eat?" 
Me: "Oh, no I'm fine".
Before you start bashing the sport guy for him being rude. What was he implying? Fat women don't know how to eat properly? We are all lazy and don't have self-control? Otherwise we wouldn't be in this condition?

Let me say to his defense:
- he was an intern
- he seemed extremely nervous (maybe he thought I would take a bite out of him??)
- he was just a kid doing his job 

I wouldn't be me if I didn't do some self analyse: Was I feeling guilty for going to the gym? Don't I love my body, my curves? Was I a sell out? 

As you may know I'm all for self-acceptance: being content with the person you are in the now with the body you have. Me applying for a gym membership, rose questions of my own. I always look in the mirror. For me being honest to myself is the most important thing in life. So what is up with this gym phase? 

All I can say at the moment is: 
What I don't like is the fact that I have a physical condition of an 80 year old. I hate it when I'm out of breath just for taking a short walk. Even the strongest mind has a weak spot. On the other hand I'm scared of losing my curves. Having this body made me the self-confident and the self-loving person I am now. I used to have a very negative self image in my thinner days. So maybe automatically I associate "being thin(ner)" with unhappiness? I won't lie, I'm scared of losing my place in the fatshion community if I lose weight. Will I offend other bloggers? Which I admire and follow because of their own fat-acceptance.

At the end of the day, it's me who looks into the mirror. And I can say I see myself with pride. For I realize that this guilt is not about the fat, but about my strive to perfection. 
Raising the bar very high. So high I couldn't make it. Thank God, I allow myself to go that dark place. I'm allowed to feel insecure, I'm allowed to have doubts. 
Most importantly I'm allowed to love myself and take care of me.

Red dress
Black lace shirt

Black lace tights

Black belt 

Local bargain shoe store:
Black wedges 

Love YOURSELF too in any shape or form!!!

10 opmerkingen:

  1. love the way you talk : yes you're curvy & yes you're beautiful with that!
    I would love having your self estim .
    Live your life like this, you're amazingly beautiful. & I always love reading your comment's

  2. I haven't been to the gym in ages! My instructor was very kind, but I felt so self-conscious, that I never went back! But after each workout, and when I had to walk home (which I hated), I was on buzz, I felt good about myself. So even though I don't go to the gym anymore, I still workout, in way in which I feel comfortable. And I absolutely agree, accept & love yourself, that's all that matters!

    Honey life is to short to care what other people think of you! If you lost weight, I would still read your blog & be your friend! It's what's on the inside that counts! You are more than just your "size". Do what's best for you!

    You look AMAZING! Red is definitely your color! Love this outfit!


  3. What's most important is to be healthy. Most people understand that but don't do anything about it. I admire you for doing what you need to do to feel healthier instead of just talking about it. You look great in this post by the way. :)

  4. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, if you want to exercise then that's fine. Oh and chances are you probably won't lose a lot of weight anyway! (I mean, it's statistically impossible to lose significant amounts of weight and keep it off). I wouldn't worry about losing your curves.

  5. MMmm also, in reply to Thomessa, fat acceptance/body acceptance is not about health. It's about accepting one's body, and other people's bodies, for what they are, regardless of weight, age, etc.

    You can practice Health at Every Size, which encourages the idea that you can be healthy regardless of weight, but weight and health are not mutually exclusive.

    Also, I find your comment "Most people understand that but don't do anything about it. I admire you for doing what you need to do to feel healthier instead of just talking about it" pretty offensive - you are buying into the idea that people who exercise have self-control and self-discipline and what, all other's don't? That's not fair...

    Ultimately, it's Nefferth's choice to exercise, no one will ever say that's not her choice to make, or a good choice, but the way you are positioning your comment makes it sound like it's the only option for fat people, which just doesn't sit well with me. But anyway, just my two cents, maybe you should look into fat acceptance/HAES a little more :)

  6. i love this outfit on you. it's compliments your shape very well!

    and, i'm a curvy girl, and i work out regularly. i'm not going to lie that i would like to lose some weight, because i would.. but i do it mostly for health benefits. i like being able to run up the stairs at work and not be out of breath. there's all different reasons why people work out, but you don't have to sacrifice your curves and confidence if you're feeling like you're not up to your best physical self.

    for me, it's lack of motivation on why i might skip out on the gym. i need to get some back in me! maybe the new year will kick me into gear! good luck in whatever route you choose to do :)

  7. wouah.....tu est magnifique, et le rouge te vas vraiment très très bien, j'aime beaucoup ton look

  8. I have totally the same relationship with my Gym - love it when I go but haven't been for a while because I'm not making time for it (being a bit lazy to be honest!) plus I kinda like myself the shape I am.

    Enjoy the Gym though! If it makes you happy then that's the only thing that matters!

    w x

  9. p.s. You look amazing in that outfit!


Thank you for stopping by and commenting <3 Nefferth aka Mode Plus

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