So guess what I did?
Last week I finally went, while having a subscription since september 2010.
Well, let's say it's never too late.
I'm going to be honest with you guys (that's all I can do) after my first visit I left feeling quit overwhelmed. I've done a fit test and my test result turn out to be: 'way below average'. Uhm, this was very confrontational.
It got worse when the sport guy started asking me: "Mam, how is your food intake?"
Me: "What do you mean?"
Sport guy: "Do you need advice on what to eat?"
Me: "Oh, no I'm fine".
Before you start bashing the sport guy for him being rude. What was he implying? Fat women don't know how to eat properly? We are all lazy and don't have self-control? Otherwise we wouldn't be in this condition?
Let me say to his defense:
- he was an intern
- he seemed extremely nervous (maybe he thought I would take a bite out of him??)
- he was just a kid doing his job
I wouldn't be me if I didn't do some self analyse: Was I feeling guilty for going to the gym? Don't I love my body, my curves? Was I a sell out?
As you may know I'm all for self-acceptance: being content with the person you are in the now with the body you have. Me applying for a gym membership, rose questions of my own. I always look in the mirror. For me being honest to myself is the most important thing in life. So what is up with this gym phase?
All I can say at the moment is:
YES, I LOVE MY FAT CURVY VOLUPTUOUS BODY
I LOVE ME!What I don't like is the fact that I have a physical condition of an 80 year old. I hate it when I'm out of breath just for taking a short walk. Even the strongest mind has a weak spot. On the other hand I'm scared of losing my curves. Having this body made me the self-confident and the self-loving person I am now. I used to have a very negative self image in my thinner days. So maybe automatically I associate "being thin(ner)" with unhappiness? I won't lie, I'm scared of losing my place in the fatshion community if I lose weight. Will I offend other bloggers? Which I admire and follow because of their own fat-acceptance.
At the end of the day, it's me who looks into the mirror. And I can say I see myself with pride. For I realize that this guilt is not about the fat, but about my strive to perfection.
Raising the bar very high. So high I couldn't make it. Thank God, I allow myself to go that dark place. I'm allowed to feel insecure, I'm allowed to have doubts.
Most importantly I'm allowed to love myself and take care of me.
Black lace shirt
Black lace tights
Local bargain shoe store:
Love YOURSELF too in any shape or form!!!